I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
