the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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