when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
