my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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