I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
