as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
