To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
