Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
