oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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