easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
