I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He told me they were just razor bumps!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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