Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
