Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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