did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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