I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
