You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
