I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
