My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
