I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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