We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
