Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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