Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
