Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
