life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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