your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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