Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
