Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
