Your face is a jimmy john
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
