dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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