I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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