today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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