a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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