i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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