420 ftw
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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