I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
