ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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