i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
