he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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