whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
