so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
