Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize