youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
