did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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