Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
