I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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