She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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