You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
