Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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