Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My bed smells like the plague
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
