they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize