you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
