God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
