I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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