I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
