apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
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I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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