I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
