i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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