: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
