I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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