Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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