You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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