swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
