I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
