i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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