fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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