Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
