I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
