If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
