Small penises have feelings too.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
