I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
