peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
