Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
