The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
FUCK WHALES
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